Since I’m drowning in what has become the most glorious night of the TV week, I figure I’d just summarize my thoughts. It was a whirlwind of couch time and everything is a wonderful blur. Just go with it.
Revenge: This was my favorite new soap of last season so I was very excited to have it bow again this week. It’s clouding up my Sunday (instead of its former place on Wednesday night) but I simply couldn’t postpone my viewing. While I found him very bizarre and pervy, Nolan has evolved into a hilarious and cheeky lieutenant to Emily’s vengeance quester. I’m glad she has someone to share her experiences with, both as a character, and as an expository tool for the audience. Sometimes I just don’t know wazzup with the Japan scenes. Did she really tether herself to a rock to semi-drown herself into memories of her mother? Seriously? I’m glad it beckons Jennifer Jason Leigh back to my screen, but that was nonsense. Also, I hate Amanda. I really need that baby to be from someone other than Jack. The Grayson son is so boring that I can’t even remember his name; if someone has to get killed off this season, that’s my pick. Finally, since Victoria is clearly necessary to the show and my amusement, I applaud the show for not drawing out the is-she-really-dead non-mystery. NEXT.
Boardwalk Empire: Since it’s not TV, it’s HBO, I feel pressure to watch this and like it. Watch it I will and do. But like it I somehow cannot. The first season was an aesthetically pleasing but content stagnating trod. The second season livened up and actually provided some salient character development, concluding with a TV shock this side of Nedd Stark. However, back into the third season, yet again I am left cold. I can’t root for Nucky because I don’t care what he’s trying to achieve. This is not spite against a villainous lead character- I can roll easily with that (see Tony Soprano). It’s that his motives are bland and his evolution into murderer is by the numbers. And maybe this is because I watch while dicking around on the Internet at the same time but goddamn if I can keep straight which mobster is siding with whom. Bobby Cannavale, who I usually enjoy, keeps changing his accent more than Kevin Costner in Prince of Thieves. Are you supposed to be from Italy? Are you? I’m in it for Arnold Rothstein. NEXT.
Once Upon A Time: This might be the most ludicrous program on right now. At the end of last season, the curse upon Storybrooke was lifted and all the fairy tale characters remembered their true fairy tale identities. Great. And now they all want to kill the evil Queen for putting on the curse in the first place. Somehow Beast/Rumplestiltskin brought back a wraith from their home to suck her soul. Right? But through the Mad Hatter’s hat from last season that was ostensibly a portal back home, the Queen sent it away. Along with Emma and Snow, who will undoubtedly team up with a never before mentioned faction of fairy characters who never made it to Maine (reasons unknown and unexplained) including Mulan. What the hell. I’m extremely proud of myself for following this nonsense because the show does not make it easy. More pointedly, the show chooses to ignore reams of logic based questions, hoping the audience will just get excited to have Snow and the Prince back together again. I’d still like to know how/if/when others from around the US noticed that Storybrooke was a town where no one aged for almost 30 years. Anybody? I won’t be missing an episode this season. I’m a self-loather. NEXT.
Dexter: So after 6 years of serial killing on a rampage, someone from the theme song finally clued in. Deb caught Dexter performing a ritualized kill with such specificity and resemblance to the Bay Harbor killer that he could not explain his way out of it. Yay. Through flashback, we learned even more about Harry’s terrible parenting technique. He kept badgering Dexter about what a monster he truly was that Deb would only ever love his masquerade. Way harsh. Though the season trajectory teased Deb’s efforts to support Dex and curb his murderous tendencies, there really aren’t any B stories. Yes, LaGuerta is cluing in to Doakes’ frame job from way back, but that will fold into Dex is really the Bay Harbor killer element. And while I may find him appealing, Louis’ creepy Dex-session is not a story. Give me something to work with involving Quinn and anything erotic. Thank you. NEXT.
Homeland: I’m trying with every effort in my being to stockpile this and marathon it like I did last season. No spoilers please. Patinkin 4ever.
666 Park Avenue: Despite all my usual proclivities, I chose not to watch this. Did I make a mistake?
The Good Wife: My favorite network program of them all, I am so happy to have you back. Nathan Lane is busting heads and manipulating characters with such subtlety that I can’t believe he doesn’t guest star on dramas more often. I’m not sure how realistic it is for Peter to jump from jailed felon to returned State’s Attorney to Illinois Governor, but if anyone can make it happen, Eli Gold can. I love that Zack finally has a purpose that involves both Florrick parents, and invites Chase from Army Wives (yes, that’s also a Sunday show, and yes, I watch/love it) into the fold as a smaller county’s State’s Attorney. I think this season will at long last vindicate my long-term Kalinda hate. She might be a damn good investigator who looks great in high heeled boots, but she’s a specter of a character. All she does is flit around perving on everyone, young, old, male, female alike, often unnecessarily to get what she wants. She also seems to have dated, spurned and inspired pining in every guest character to come her way. Now that her mystery husband has found her, beat her, and sexed her, her character is so far removed from everything else at Lockhart/Gardner, that I can only hope she fades into Lake Michigan. Finally, she claimed to have a stake in the husband’s cash due to community property. Neither Ontario, Canada (he is allegedly from Toronto) nor Illinois recognizes community property so I’m going to have call hell no on that one. Professional opinion. FIN.