Gossip Girl: Season Premiere

Can someone please tell me what the hell is going on here?  This is not rhetorical.  Help me.  I diligently watched the scenes from last season preamble in order to gear up for the 10 episode final season.  However, I still can’t make head nor tail of it.  Someone even asked me if my inability to follow stemmed from losing the correct channel.  Oh no, I watched, maybe with too much contemporaneous Internetting, but I tried.

So Lola and Charlie, the girl who tried to assume Lola’s life and fortune, are now in cahoots.  I’m not sure what the end game is and I don’t remember why Charlie abandoned the cash money Lily offered to pay.  All I do know is the plan required Charlie to get close to Rufus, the only pure hearted character in the entire GG universe.  And within 45 minutes Rufus and Charlie were leg tangled humping, only to be seen by a visiting Dan.  WHAT.  Even if I understood Charlie’s motives, which I certainly do not, how could Rufus be so disgusting?  Moving on.

Remember when Lily married Bart but fell out of love with him almost immediately and attempted to leave him for Rufus, only to have Bart stage his own death rendering her an impossibly wealthy widow?  Well I do.  That didn’t stop Lily from instantly reconnecting with a back from the dead Bart, ostensibly with love and not ambition in her heart.  OK.

Blair and Chuck are taking a we want to ultimately be together but need time to explore our own interests break.  I think this is a waste of my time and will only ensure that one or both deviates with a no-name interloper for a three ep arc.  However, since there are only nine more hours to plod through, I forgive this, as my vindication is drawing near.

Dan was for a brief moment hot and un-lame last season.  I’m surmising it was the cast of Waldorf spell because he is back to being a dim bulb without her shining light.  Somehow he spent the summer in a writer’s nook with Georgina of all people.  Doesn’t she have a kid?  That isn’t Dan’s?  Where was it?   I mean he.

Does anyone else notice that Nate’s real life lip injury from last season has not improved?  As for his story, does he have one?

Last and certainly least, Serena was missing yet again and everyone had to pick up from their lives and run to her aid.  I find it strange that in a world of limitless communication tools, Lily couldn’t be bothered to send word all summer long.  Carrier pigeon anyone?  I mean, my mom texts, emails and calls me all day before I have a chance to respond to anything.  You’re alright kid.  At least you read this.  In any case, Serena was located living with a collegiate assumed identity happy as a lying clam.  All I know is Matt Camden was there.  And that was the only good thing to come of this.

If anyone can clear up my queries there is a reward available.  TBD.

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